Kegelapan.

Matahariku telah berubah menjadi bulan. Bulan yang indah. Kok? Ada apa ini?! Bulanku meredup! Aku berlari tana henti. Aku takut. Sangat takut! Aku tak tau harus apa, badanku terasa dingin. Udaranya menyadi dingin. Aku bbutuh pelukan. Astaga! Disini gelap sekali. Kamu dimana? Aku berlari semakin kencang menyusuri jalan yg tak terlihat ini. Tak ada cahaya setitikpun, Sayang. Kegelapan ini membuatku takut hingga rasanya badan ini ngemetar. Aw! Aku terjatuh. Disini lembab, sepertinya habis ada air mata.

Aku harus kemana? Hm.. sepertinya aku mendengar suaramu. Tpi dimana?! Apa aku harus mengikuti suaramu? Tp, jalan ke arah suaramu terlalu licin. Kali ini aku tak memperdulikan ketakutan gelapku, tp aku takut terjatuh untuk yg ke-2 kalinya. Tapi tak apa, aku menyayangimu, akan aku lawan ketakutanku. Kakiku sakit, mgkn efek terjatuh td.

Aku mendekati suaramu, tp knp suaramu semakin jauh? Sayang, tunggu aku. Jangan pergi sebelum kita bertemu. Aku sudah mulai lelah skrg. Jngan membuatku sia-sia utk kali ini. Tunggu aku! Tiba-tiba aku sadar, kenapa aku tak sampai2?? Kamu dimana?Aku mulai rapuh...-

Sayang, aku menemukan setitik cahaya di depan sana, tp mengapa bukan suaramu diarah sana? aku bingung.. Cahaya itu semakin terang, tp mengapa suara itu semakin jelas bukan suaramu? Sayang, aku sudah tidak di kegelapan lagi. Aku sudah di tempat dimana matahariku ada. Aku melihat sosok itu. Kamu menungguku? Tunggu aku, aku sedang berlari kencang utk memelukmu dengan erat. Maaf jika saat ini penampilanku sangat jelek. Aku habis terjatuh dalam kegelapan, disana banyak air mata, banyak ketakutan.

Astaga aku salah lagi! Aku memeluk org yang salah, mengapa dia tersenyum Sayang? Aku mendengar. Ya, aku mendengar suaramu, ada dibelakang ku. Aku berbalik Tapi kau tak ada.:_( Itu suaramu lagi! Suaramu? Mengapa suaramu ada didalam kegelapan itu? Kamu dimana?!! Aku mulai mengkhawatirkanmu!

Aku sudah berada di mana semua terlihat jelas, apa aku harus berbalik dan kembali ke dalam kegelapan utk mu? 

Harusnya aku mempersiapkan.

Aku terlalu ceroboh. Terlalu percaya bahwa akhir cinta kita akan indah seperti cerita di dongeng. Dongeng? Hahaha ini dunia nnyata. Dimana ada rasa bahagia, bahkan ada rasa sakit, kecewa. Kali ini aku terlalu kecewa. Tak terhitung berapa kali aku tlah kecewa. Jelas, kali ini karna cinta. Cinta kita yang terlampau lama waktu kita bersama. Aku terlalu banyak menuntut akan hidup ini. maaf, aku hanya manusia biasa yang tak sempurna.

Ternyata aku telalu larut dalam cerita kita. Mgkn aku sadar bhwa hari seperti ini akan datang tp aku belum mempersiapkannya. Aku belum siap kalau cinta kita hancur. Belum siap kalau nyatanya aku hrs jauh dr kamu. aku gak ngerti knp aku ga bisa jauh dr kamu, atau mgkn belum terbiasa?

Kbrmu mulai berkurang. Astaga! Aku merasakan sakit ini. tak bnyk kata yang dapat aku utarakan utk smntr wktu ini. Perasaanku  aneh. Tercampur aduk seperti membuat kue.

Aku mendo’a-kan mu dimanapun kau berada. Berharap kau baik-baik saja. Ya tentu ttp menyayanginku.

Dr aku, yang selalu menyayangimu.

Aku kehilanganmu, lagi.

Seseorang tlah mempertemukan kita. Ntah harus bercerita dr mana. Pertemuan kita begitu singkat namun berarti. Kamu menghilang. Ya pergi tanpa jejak. Kau kembali! Tak ku duga kau mencariku. Waktu berjalan detik demi detik.

Persahabatan yg membuat kita semakin dekat, byk cerita yg sudah kita bicarakan satu sama lain. Cerita2 umum smpai pribadi. Rasa itu mulai timbul. Ya, benih kasih sayang yang menurutku tak wajar. Rasanya begitu indah, namun aku? Tp aku hrs tanggung jawab dgn komitmen ku. Menyayanginya. Ya aku sudah ada yg memiliki. Bimsa! Kau pergi, mengilang utk ke 2 kalinya. Benar menghilang& kali ini benar-benar tanpa jejak sekalipun. Aku merindukanmu. Merindukan persahabatan kita. Astaga! Aku ditinggalkan- Dia utk ke sekian kalinya. Aku membutuhkan mu. Aku menangis, aku menunggumu menggantikan-Dia. & aku kembali pada Dia. Dia kekasihku.

Ntah ada angin apa, Kau kembali. Benar, kau kembali tanpa ku duga. Namun mengapa begini? Mengapa alasanmu menghilang krna takut menyayangiku? Aku sudah menyanyangimu, sejak lama. Rasanya tar wajar, benar2 tak wajar.  Aku merasakan getaran itu lagi. Kasih syg. Aku merasakan kasih sayang utkmu. "When I first know u, I was afraid to talk to u, when I first talked to u, I was afraid to like u, now that I love u I'm afraid to lose u.." Kata2 yg mgkn taakan aku lupakan. Dr Mu. Ya itu membuatku merasa berarti utk mu. 

Cemburu itu mulai datang. Menghantui, bahkan menyakiti hatiku. Knp kau kasih lagu 'pupus' utk ku ketika aku sll membicarakan Dia? Knp kau bilang syg pd ku? Itu salah mu! Atau salahku yg terlalu berharap padamu pdhl aku msh memilikin Dia. Entah hrs memilih yg mana. Aku bingung! Bimbang bhkn dilema. Maaf, maaf aku menghilang dr mu. Aku tak tahan. Cemburu ini, rasa sayang ini membuat hatiku sakit. 

Beri aku waktu, sehari atau dua hari. Aku akan kembali jika kau mau. Beri aku wktu untuk memperbaikin rasa ini, memperbaikin persahabatan kita.

Tunggu aku.
Sahabatmu, yg menyayangimu.

Tony Kushner, The Illusion.

Love is the world's infinite mutability; lies, hatred, murder even, are all knit up in it; it is the inevitable blossoming of its opposites, a magnificent rose smell-ing faintly of blood.

Beauty and the Beast

Once upon a time as a merchant set off for market, he asked each of his three daughters what she would like as a present on his return. The first daughter wanted a brocade dress, the second a pearl necklace, but the third, whose name was Beauty, the youngest, prettiest and sweetest of them all, said to her father:  

 "All I'd like is a rose you've picked specially for me!"   

When the merchant had finished his business, he set off for home. However, a sudden storm blew up, and his horse could hardly make headway in the howling gale. Cold and weary, the merchant had lost all hope of reaching an inn when he suddenly noticed a bright light shining in the middle of a wood. As he drew near, he saw that it was a castle, bathed in light.   

"I hope I'll find shelter there for the night," he said to himself. 

When he reached the door, he saw it was open, but though he shouted, nobody came to greet him. Plucking up courage, he went inside, still calling out to attract attention. On a table in the main hall, a splendid dinner lay already served. The merchant lingered, still shouting for the owner of the castle. But no one came, and so the starving merchant sat down to a hearty meal.
Overcome by curiosity, he ventured upstairs, where the corridor led into magnificent rooms and halls. A fire crackled in the first room and a soft bed looked very inviting. It was now late, and the merchant could not resist. He lay down on the bed and fell fast asleep. 

When he woke next morning, an unknown hand had placed a mug of steaming coffee and some fruit by his bedside.  The merchant had breakfast and after tidying himself up, went downstairs to thank his generous host. But, as on the evening before, there was nobody in sight. Shaking his head in wonder at the strangeness of it all, he went towards the garden where he had left his horse, tethered to a tree. 

Suddenly, a large rose bush caught his eye.  Remembering his promise to Beauty, he bent down to pick a rose. Instantly, out of the rose garden, sprang a horrible beast, wearing splendid clothes. Two bloodshot eyes, gleaming angrily, glared at him and a deep, terrifying voice growled: 

"Ungrateful man! I gave you shelter, you ate at my table and slept in my own bed, but now all the thanks I get is the theft of my favorite flowers! I shall put you to death for this slight!" 

Trembling with fear, the merchant fell on his knees before the Beast.  "Forgive me! Forgive me! Don't kill me! I'll do anything you say! The rose wasn't for me, it was for my daughter Beauty. I promised to bring her back a rose from my journey!" 

The Beast dropped the paw it had clamped on the unhappy merchant.   

"I shall spare your life, but on one condition, that you bring me your daughter!" The terror-stricken merchant, faced with certain death if he did not obey, promised that he would do so. When he reached home in tears, his three daughters ran to greet him. After he had told them of his dreadful adventure, Beauty put his mind at rest immediately.

"Dear father, I'd do anything for you! Don't worry, you'll be able to keep your promise and save your life! Take me to the castle. I'll stay there in your place!" The merchant hugged his daughter.  

"I never did doubt your love for me. For the moment I can only thank you for saving my life." So Beauty was led to the castle. The Beast, however, had quite an unexpected greeting for the girl. Instead of menacing doom as it had done with her father, it was surprisingly pleasant.  

In the beginning, Beauty was frightened of the Beast, and shuddered at the sight of it. Then she found that, in spite of the monster's awful head, her horror of it was gradually fading as time went by. 

She had one of the finest rooms in the Castle, and sat for hours, embroidering in front of the fire. And the Beast would sit, for hours on end, only a short distance away, silently gazing at her. Then it started to say a few kind words, till in the end, Beauty was amazed to discover that she was actually enjoying its conversation. The days passed, and Beauty and the Beast became good friends. 

Then one day, the Beast asked the girl to be his wife.  Taken by surprise, Beauty did not know what to say. Marry such an ugly monster? She would rather die! But she did not want to  hurt the feelings of one who, after all, had been kind to her. And she remembered too that she owed it her own life as well as her father's.   

"I really can't say yes," she began shakily. "I'd so much like to..." The Beast interrupted her with an abrupt gesture.   

"I quite understand! And I'm not offended by your refusal!" Life went on as usual, and nothing further was said. 

One day, the Beast presented Beauty with a magnificent magic mirror. When Beauty peeped into it, she could see her family, far away.   

"You won't feel so lonely now," were the words that accompanied the gift. Beauty stared for hours at her distant family. Then she began to feel worried. One day, the Beast found her weeping beside the magic mirror.   

"What's wrong?" he asked, kindly as always.               

"My father is gravely ill and close to dying! Oh, how I wish I could see him again, before it's too late!" But the Beast only shook its head.  "No! You will never leave this castle!" And off it stalked in a rage. 

However, a little later, it returned and spoke solemnly to the girl.  

"If you swear that you will return here in seven days time, I'll let you go and visit your father!" Beauty threw herself at the Beast's feet in delight.  "I swear! I swear I will! How kind you are! You've made a loving daughter so happy!" In reality, the merchant had fallen ill from a broken heart at knowing his daughter was being kept prisoner. When he embraced her again, he was soon on the road to recovery. 

Beauty stayed beside him for hours on end, describing her life at the Castle, and explaining that the Beast was really good and kind. The days flashed past, and at last the merchant was able to leave his bed. He was completely well again. Beauty was happy at last. However, she had failed to notice that seven days had gone by.  Then one night she woke from a terrible nightmare. She had dreamt that the Beast was dying and calling for her, twisting in agony.   

"Come back! Come back to me!" it was pleading. The solemn  promise she had made drove her to leave home immediately.  "Hurry! Hurry, good horse!" she said, whipping her steed onwards towards the castle, afraid that she might arrive too late. She rushed up the stairs, calling, but there was no reply. Her heart in her mouth, Beauty ran into the garden and there crouched the Beast, its eyes shut, as though dead. Beauty threw herself at it and hugged it tightly.  

"Don't die! Don't die! I'll marry you . . ." At these words, a miracle took place. The Beast's ugly snout turned magically into the face of a handsome young man.  "How I've been longing for this moment!" he said. "I was suffering in silence, and couldn't tell my frightful secret. An evil witch turned me into a monster and only the love of a maiden willing to accept me as I was, could transform me back into my real self. My dearest! I'll be so happy if you'll marry me."  The wedding took place shortly after and, from that day on, the young Prince would have nothing but roses in his gardens. And that's why, to this day, the castle is known as the Castle of the Rose.

The End.

Menyambut Pagi Tanpa-mu

Saat aku membuka mata di pagi hari,
Seperti biasa aku mencarimu.
Namun, tiba2 aku tersadar,
Kau taklah bersamaku lagi.

Kau yang biasa ku cari,
Kini tak lagi ada.
Kau yang biasa menemani setiap hariku,
Kini tak lagi ada.

Mungkin harus aku biasakan,
Melewati hari tanpamu. 
Rasa sakit ini akan ku simpan, hingga kelak kau kembali.

6feb2013

Waktu berjalan begitu cepat. Hari demi hari kita lewati bersama. Suka-duka kita jalani bersama. Romantic-berantem? Sudah biasa.  Kita bisa lewati itu dgn penuh suka cita. Kamu yang sll ada, menemani hari2 ku. Kamu memberikan warna warni dlm setiap hariku. Setiap kali aku membuka mata di pg hari, kamulah org petama ku cari. Krna hanya kamu, gaada lg yg lain. Aku gakperlu jd yg pertama, jadi yang terakhir, bikin aku makin bahagia. Krna bersamakulah, km mau mnjlnin hidup tnpa ada wanita lain yg mengganggu. Aku lah yg terakhir untukmu.

Senyummu membuatku tau, bahwa hidupku indah krna mu.

Tawa-mu membuatku merasa bahagia melewati hari2 ku.

Ciuman-mu membuatku myaman untuk ttp bersamamu.

Peluk-kanmu meyakinkanku, bahwa kmbnr2 menyayangiku.

Gak kerasa ya, kita udh mau 3bulan sama2. Menjalanin hari bersama. Waktu yg lumayan lama kan? Hahah namun berjalan begi cepat, ga terasa. Km sll dgnku, sudah cukup dr cukup membuatku bahagia. Aku takperlu materi/apalah itu. Aku Cuma butuh satu kok.. hati km buat aku& sepenuhnya Cuma buat aku.

I LOVE YOU, AGUNG DJATMIKO.

                                                                                                Kesayangan kamu, Dhilafr.

Sayang aku ternyata kamu sia2in ya? Semua pengorbanan aku ternyata km sia2in ya? Aku tau ko. Gakperlu km bilang sayang sm aku kl ternyata itu semua bullshit. Gakperlu kamu minta maaf, krna maaf kamu itu semuanya Cuma cara km narik aku lg ke km. krna kata ‘maaf’ nya km gak tulus dr hati dan kamu bilang maaf bukan krna kesadaran diri kamu sendiri. Aku tau kok. Aku tukang bhng, gaakan bisa kamu bhngin aku. Aku udh sangat amat cukup capek. Capek krna semua sifat, tingkahlaku dn semua perkataan kamu ke aku. Aku rasa, aku udh gasyg lg sm kamu. aku mati rasa. Itu semua bukan karna ada org ketiga, atau apalah, itu semua krna kamu sendiri. Karna smua kelakuan kamu yang kamu lakuin ke aku selama mau 5 bulan ini. Aku tertahanin kamu, aku usahain kamu tp kamu nyia2in semua pengorbanan aku. Sakit. Kl kamu rasain sakitnya aku, itu sakit banget. Kl pun aku diajak tuker posisi sm kamu, sumpah aku mau banget. Aku udh gumoh kamu ngerasain skt yg kea gini terus. Harus berapa kali lagi kamu nyakitin aku? Mesti berapa kata sabar yg harus aku pendem sendr? Berapa? Kamu gakngerti jd aku sktnya gmn, krna km gak ngerasain itu semua. Sakitnya, perihnya aku tanggung sendiri tanpa ada org lain disamping atau belakang aku. Jd ketika aku jatuh, aku bnr2 ngerasain sakit krna gaada yg ngangkat aku. Aku harus bangun sendiri. Bangun dr keterpurukan yang kamu buat. Awalnya emg kamu yg sll bikin aku bahagia, emg kamu yg sll bikin aku percaya, dan Cuma kamu doang yg bikin aku yakin. Tp sekarang berubah. Semuanya udh gakea dulu. Makasih buat semuanya.

 

-dhilafr